Divorce and breakups are distressing wounds of failure that take time to heal. If one party wants to break up and the other wants to stay together it creates great emotional pain for person who is left behind. The admission from your lover that they no longer love and care like they used to is soul crushing. When on the receiving end there will be shock, denial and heart break.
When couples relationship breaks down you tend to ignore each other because you're not sure how to communicate and tell each other how you're feel or raging arguments take place, or both.
If your ex-lover is with someone else the anger, jealousy, bitterness and stress can boil over. Pain and resentment will build up because the time and love for each other isn't equal anymore. One half can start to do their own thing, or fling.
The rejection is a blow to your ego. The pain of divorce can overwhelm us and recovery over the loss can take time. It's worst still when people doesn't know you have mental health issues. The breakup can influence depression and make it harder for the suffer to rebuild their life.
You are fighting for survival and find it harder to let go. Thinking of past good times stirs up painful memories and you're trapped in anger, loneliness and even guilt that you could have tried harder to make it work. The hurt and regret will be eating you up inside.
Facing the pain won't be easy. Healing from divorce and it's deep wounds will take time and patience, you may believe that you'll never find happiness and meet that special someone again.
Remember you're not alone in divorce, many people have overcome and moved on from the devastation of a separation. Divorce isn't the worst thing that can happen to you in your life, believe me there are many other terrors that are far worse.
For a marriage to work it requires two people. When relationships breakdown some can't be repaired and pieced back together. When this happens you must accept your marriage is over. Dwelling and worrying about the past will only tear up more emotions and prevent closure.
You may feel at a loss, punish yourself with drugs and alcohol and do things you can't take back. No matter how much you abuse your body and waste away the marriage will still be over. Take some timeout, write down how you feel, have a good cry, go on holiday, take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, find something that makes you feel better without doing more damage.
Your mental health could suffer and depression may creep in. You may lack purpose, cut yourself off from the world. In the trauma of divorce you can lose yourself and your self belief.
You can very easily lose control of who you are and make bad decisions. They will be thoughts of fear, insecurity and emotional conflict and even a sense of emptiness. You can fester in your own pain and divorce counselling can help you focus and find yourself after a breakup.
You may keep in contact with your ex or you may cut all ties. If young children are involved it makes the split even harder for them and each parent. You can only try to be strong for them, it's going to be awkward to explain that Mum and Dad don't get on any more and they will now live apart. You must take care of them and yourself in this low period.
It will be a difficult as you adjust to been single and coping on your own. In fact you may not even be coping too well as the grief overcomes you. It's important you talk to someone who'll listen to you vent off. Socialise, keep yourself busy and try to plan what comes next.
Divorce will change and have a drain on your finance position. Your income, savings, retirement funds and property may have to be sold. It could even put you in debt and you'll have to form a new financial plan, reorganise your budget and learn how to live within your means. If you are struggling seek professional financial and legal advice.
Divorce School 101
No body's perfect, everyone makes mistakes, you aren't a loser or failure. Sometime things don't or can't work out. When the loves and trust has gone there is nothing you can do. It's difficult, painful and your life and dreams may feel shattered. Don't be afraid, it will get easier, it's part of your growth.When you've cooled off and the pain is faded you can start dating again. This will help build up your self-esteem and confidence if it has taken a dent.
Don't rush into another relationship or end up in the rebound zone. Have some "me time" and don't go looking for something permanent straight away. You don't have to want romance, or find "true love" just some good company and sex. Eventually you'll meet someone new who understands you and can get on with the rest of your life and find happiness.
In divorce your world will feel turned upside down. All the emotions, injury and mourning you feel are natural, "repairs" don't happen overnight. Going through all the motions and dark patches are part of the healing and recovery process.
When couples have been together for so long and deeply in love readjusting takes time and the journey to functioning as an individual can be a rocky ride. Something will change inside you, both good and bad.
Like mental health bottling your feeling up won't help. Don't go through divorce by yourself. Seek support from friends, family and others who have gone through it too. Get emotional support from online resources and support groups who have suffered a similar experience.
Divorce isn't the end of the world, learn from the experience and get it out of your system so you can get on with your life and start moving in the right direction. There will come a day when your divorce and breakup won't matter anymore.
