The Most Depressing Blog in The World

Readers of Sad Purple Dove are probably unfamiliar with the concept of contentment. The timing may come as a surprise but I've somehow created the most depressing blog in the world. My research shows I'm unhappy and bored with my life.

Are you the same, is that's why you come here? I doubt you come here to witness perky smiles. You probably despise me. I feel like a dismal failure because I can't cheer you up.

I've gained some kind of cult and expert status in this area. I'm a sad bastard. I find it hard to prosper in life these days. Everything is conflict in my crazy mind. To live or die, eat three shredded wheat or more bacon sandwiches.

I’m sicko on medication. I'm not even sure if this is my most depressing post. It has a glow of realism about it. That's due to the fact there's bugger all on TV I fancy watching.

It's not depression or fear. The emotion is loneliness, or anger that I have 500 TV channels and nothing to watch.

I'm miserable. My life lacks any purpose. I've seem to have lost my way. What do I need to bring back that glow inside. I feel invisible which is a clue that I'm actually feeling depressed.

From a distance maybe I'm. I'm used to going downhill and riding the waves of my sickness. I wish I could power-down for the evening but surviving in isolation is hard, yet the way manic depressive do things.

I need a way to pull my shit together. Stop being lazy. Change my thinking to end my frustration.

Sometimes I lose faith in myself and God. I'm I simply labelling myself as a failure. Looking on the downside. My mind isn't spiralling out of control. It hits me in waves. I believe it's an nervous energy and anxiety thing for me right now. I always feel I want to get out. Get out of my mind and situation.

Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I'm proud and extremely happy that I started this depressing blog about mental illness but it's not easy creating content when you're feeling down and alone. It's been a very tough time and difficult point in my life. There are reasons for the misery. The last few years haven't been wonderful. Behind every good man is a good woman but she's gone.

Nothing can be done. This situation is beyond any help. This post is epic letdown. I am pessimistic. Trying to keep it real. That's a good thing. Do you want me to lie to you? I don't want to hype up this depressing post or fool you like a magic trick.

I hate my life because I miss my wife. It was getting easier but it has turned lousy over the last few weeks. My mind is a minefield. My thoughts offer no security. They turn me away from hope and joy.

That's not a good thought. Your mind can put you in a foul mood. The thoughts of madmen are disturbing. So we turn to other things like becoming a alcoholic or blogging how crap our life is was or how bad the day has gone.

I'm unable to think clearly as I am. Seeing through the fog and stabilising the drifting of the mind is difficult. I'm not sure my medication helps when I take it, it has no effect, even if I took the lot in one dose.

What I did wrong was assume that I could block it out and recover. I should have known better to pretend. It has been another rough week. I tell myself it will get better. I'm accommodating the pain for now but time passes so slowly in depression.

I'm not very tech-savvy. I don't know how much longer you can keep reading this downbeat excuse for a blog. It's designed to crush your spirit. If you read this blog then you should at least get a balloon with it. Go buy one and tweet me the picture @screwbuzzblog.

Depression Makes Me Sick, I'm Sick of It

I've not been feeling very well lately. I feel powerless and pathetic like a bout of man flue. On top of this, shaking this low is taking it's time to clear. I blame everyone. Mostly me.

I wish my mind reacted differently to situations and feelings. Depression is my evil twin, mania my wild out of control energy bank. I'm not saying anything new when I tell you living with depression is a tough.

Anyone who's ever suffered from it knows this all too well. How it plots against you and takes over your heart. Everything is wrong and so difficult. The lack of energy, swirling thoughts, sleep problems, anxiety, the hopelessness are all part of the sickness. If you believe depression is easy or a weakness then I challenge you to a good old fashioned duel.

I hate feeling this way. How long will it last? I don't feel like a nice person and the anger is brewing. I've just being staying in feeling deserted. Life stinks. Even porn does nothing for me.

I can't hang myself because who would write this blog for me? I need invigorating somehow. To get it out of my system so I can be on my merry way.

God and I Don't Always Get On

Dear Lord,

I feel so pissed off and alienated from you right now. Sometimes you aren't a very fair and just God. I'm finding it very hard to praise you. Is it wicked that I feel this way? Lord you have created this fear and evil deed.

I know I have been very angry at you, please forgive me. You who helped me overcome my addiction and kept me clean and pure during my cravings. You stopped my temptations for needles of brown stuff and saved me from my sickness.

Never less, you didn't come to my rescue when I asked the last time. I can't count the number of times I prayed you would make her better.
By taking her away you made me more alone than ever before. No sinner deserves that. Where was your mercy then? We needed a miracle that you never provided.

I know it's been a long time since I went to church to worship you. Has my faith ran its course. I'm struggling with you. I admit my devotion in you is shaken. You and I seemed to want different things.

The worrying is getting me nowhere, it's like waiting for cabin fever to break. All I ask is that I make it through this year and you help me come out of this darkened shell and isolation of grief.

Lord are you just a superstition. Does talking to you get me anywhere these days? I'm I still worth your trouble and your ear? Maybe I'm a naive idiot believing you would hear my prays. Could it be you are dead too? I don't see or hear you in my heart anymore.

I feel dreadful for thinking these things. I know you don't see God, you feel him inside. Even when he makes you cross. You taught me that hate is a silly emotion. I'm an abomination on this Earth. Sometimes I wake up and wish I was dead.

I know a little bit about religion and its ways. It has saved me and used to be part of my soul. With faith I felt I could hire my God to do my worrying for me. Yet now you feel so distant. My Lord sometimes you are so unfriendly, you don't answer peoples prayers.

The problem is I can't hide away from my faith. It's also insurance so I don't burn in hell for all eternity. It would be nice to bandage up my faith. All I ask for is some temporary happiness.

Love is never out of reach.

Ahem.

Not Interesting

Sorry I haven't blogged anything interesting lately. I also apologise that I've not tweeted for a while. After work I feel wiped out and just want to drink, eat and go to sleep. Life is miserable and a circle of routine until my retirement or death.

Lately everything is hard work. The days are gruellingly long. Getting up for work is chore. I always seem to feel tried, and barely able to keep my eyes open no matter how much I sleep.

I don't have anything interesting to publish today. I've tried doing some poetry but don't feel confident enough to post it on here. Writing something is better than watching TV, tweeting or drinking into oblivion.

Feeling this way makes me angry. Luckily I'm not freaking out enough to be put in a hospital again.

I wish some mania would return. At least I'd have higher energy levels and a positive "can do" attitude. In depression easy things are tricky to perform. Depression gives you a "to do list" that never gets done. Like the washing up if you can be bother to cook and feel like eating anything.

When you're depressed it is hard to get interested in anything exciting or things you enjoy. And when you do it's usually bad for you in the form of self medication with booze and drugs.

I know this post is empty. It's another waste of words. You've no doubt lost interest at this point and found something better to do.

If I'm good at anything recently it's slacking. I think this blog needs a revamp and a makeover. Some content that will benefit readers, offer advice for people with mental health issues and raise awareness.

I have some unfinished articles and advice that I should complete and publish on here. I always have too much on my mind. Several beers would be great but I know they won't help.

I understand your attention spans are short so I've put together my long articles on the left. Providing I make it through this week alive I promise I'll get round to it and make reading this thing more worthwhile.

A Rubbish Blog Post

I have no doubt this will be my worst ever blog post. It shouldn't count as a post, more of a tweet but I think I've gone over the character limit. I must stop writing this painful rubbish.

Personally I'd prefer you visited my site then clicked an ad but your more likely to close the browser in disgust. You deserve better. I should close this blog down in disgrace. Please don't count this as a blog post. I must try harder on my writing content, blogging skills and get my head together.

SAD BLOG

My old Twitter followers and ex-readers were probably very sad to hear I'd started up my blog again. With the kids moved out I have no companionship other than beer and Twitter.

Drinking home alone is never a good sign. Don't worry drinking isn't binge drinking or a regular occurrence, it makes me feel like shit but a few pints help me relax and sleep better.

I figure I may need some help and input with it. The blog that is not the beer. It's been a while since I drank or blogged anything. I'm trying to get back into blogging to stop the boredom and loneliness eating away at me.

Tech confuses and frustrates me. This blog is a mess but it's my mess. I am not sure how I thought this was going to make things better. The writing just isn't happening. I'm at 59% of my life and death is slowly approaching. It is fair to say I haven't accomplished much apart from a roof over my head, a great marriage and our two wonderful kids, Luke and Lucy. X

You can see the years heavily imprinted on my face and other body parts. The battle wounds of life, mental illness and grief splattered on my heart. It triggers another bout of depression.

Today feels like a failure. My energy levels are down. Socially I can just about manage going to work for something to do. It serves a distraction as well as an income.

I have nothing to do right now. Sitting around and drinking is never good unless you have some company. I could always go for a walk in the rain and wash off my blues. Sadly life is not that simple and the rain can't wash away grief.

It's a sad blog. I know the from experience that feeling will go away. Hopefully the next post will have some direction, be more interesting and less depressing.

The First Post is the Deepest

I've been out of the Internet public eye. I haven't blogged or tweeted since 2021. I didn't have anything to say. I was in too much pain. Functioning has been incredibly difficult.

Over the last few years I've been struggling to make sense of my life and figure out what I should be doing with it. I've been lost, and in many ways I still am.

I don't want my thoughts and feelings to destroy me. I am strong. There was a time when I was happy now I just let the tears fall. It cuts too deep.