God and I Don't Always Get On

Dear Lord,

I feel so pissed off and alienated from you right now. Sometimes you aren't a very fair and just God. I'm finding it very hard to praise you. Is it wicked that I feel this way? Lord you have created this fear and evil deed.

I know I have been very angry at you, please forgive me. You who helped me overcome my addiction and kept me clean and pure during my cravings. You stopped my temptations for needles of brown stuff and saved me from my sickness.

Never less, you didn't come to my rescue when I asked the last time. I can't count the number of times I prayed you would make her better.
By taking her away you made me more alone than ever before. No sinner deserves that. Where was your mercy then? We needed a miracle that you never provided.

I know it's been a long time since I went to church to worship you. Has my faith ran its course. I'm struggling with you. I admit my devotion in you is shaken. You and I seemed to want different things.

The worrying is getting me nowhere, it's like waiting for cabin fever to break. All I ask is that I make it through this year and you help me come out of this darkened shell and isolation of grief.

Lord are you just a superstition. Does talking to you get me anywhere these days? I'm I still worth your trouble and your ear? Maybe I'm a naive idiot believing you would hear my prays. Could it be you are dead too? I don't see or hear you in my heart anymore.

I feel dreadful for thinking these things. I know you don't see God, you feel him inside. Even when he makes you cross. You taught me that hate is a silly emotion. I'm an abomination on this Earth. Sometimes I wake up and wish I was dead.

I know a little bit about religion and its ways. It has saved me and used to be part of my soul. With faith I felt I could hire my God to do my worrying for me. Yet now you feel so distant. My Lord sometimes you are so unfriendly, you don't answer peoples prayers.

The problem is I can't hide away from my faith. It's also insurance so I don't burn in hell for all eternity. It would be nice to bandage up my faith. All I ask for is some temporary happiness.

Love is never out of reach.

Ahem.